Ambition (without the motivation)

Dear all 36 people who have looked at my blog,

How's it goin? Obviously not too grand if you're reading some asshole in a Chicago suburb's blog. But hey, who says you can't win 'em all? Not this guy.

Which brings me to my next point:

We all die.

Anyway, life is life. As a great man once said, fuck the world. I'm sick of working my ass off to get ahead. I've had almost a dozen jobs in the past three years, and I can't say any of them did one thing for me. I learned nothing, I accomplished nothing, and most of all, they mainly kept me from doing all the things I love. Am I a broken record here? Do I aways bitch about the same things? It feels like it. But then again, I'm only human. We all make mistakes. Some more than others, but no one is immune.

Like when you go to Cancun to drinks beerz and get laidz, and you meet a super, totally smokin' babe. And you hit it. But there's a catch: it has to be from the backdoor. And you want to ask why, but who knows the next time you'd get to hide the sausage in a fine broad, right? And then you find out why inadvertently: She has a dong.
Scratch that she, because it's just a really pretty dude in a push up bra.

You see what I'm saying? You should've seen it coming from the start, but life is cruel. And now you're at least 1/5 gay.

So in an attempt to get my life on a certain incessant track, I've decided to compile my career goals in this compact post hoping I can decide what to do when I "GROW UP" before I sign my life away to a college that won't even make me happy. SO, here goes.

-radio personality
-journalist
-rock star
-record producer/ engineer
-TV sports caster
-philosopher ( I still don't see how you can get paid for that.)
-English teacher/ professional critic
-inventor
-stay at home dad
-bar owner (the bar would, of course, be made to resemble a medieval dungeon, complete with sexy slave girls for waitresses/ bartenders and a big dude in an executioner's mask for a bouncer. Think Medieval Times but sexier, and more drunk)
-televangelist
-motivational speaker
-novelist
-Political speech writer
-US Senator
-Wine maker in the South of France
-some kind of advertising job
-police detective
-History teacher
-professional Boss tribute band
-internet millionaire

As you can see, I have no idea what I'm gonna do when I have to "realize my potential as an adult." Most of those are serious too (sad as it may be. I have a restless mind). But overall, the future scares the shit out of me.

I was thinking the other day about being a grown up. About accepting responsibility for everything I do. I've come to terms with all the ways I fucked up when I was younger, and I'd like to think I made all of my mistakes early in life, in turn leaving the rest of my life trauma-free. But I don't think it works that way. For every lesson I've learned, there's a hundred more I haven't. There's still so many things I want to do. Like, sky diving. And watching a hobo fight live. But I've got a long life ahead of me, full of boring shit. Who knows if I'll ever base jump off the Sears Tower. All I know is I want to be happy, whatever it takes.

And I was thinking about society's views on love. I, personally, have never been "in love". From what I've seen, it's better that way. It just seems like when people are in love, they're always mad. They're always pissed off because someone did or didn't do this or that. It doesn't make any sense. Women and men are the same. Give or take a few chromosomes. They both are full of shit, and that will never change. I mean, god damn, what kind of guy wouldn't kill for a broad with some TnA and doesn't talk very much? It just doesn't happen. Maybe one day I'll find a girl who loves punk rock and doesn't talk back, but until that day, I'm not gonna worry about it. I'm happier without chains than anyone could ever be with them.

Not to bad mouth your puppy love, I'm sure it's all well and fine. But, ya know, a bitch is a bitch. Ask Easy E.

Well, it's about that time folks. My bed is calling, and school won't fail itself.

One last word of advice: Don't trust the cute girl in Cancun with an adam's apple and a dong next time.